Moronic Zelda Humor
by Angisora
Summary: Second Chapter is up! Wooh! It's "ok" funny.
1. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Angisora: It's 3:00 in the morning and I'm tired. But I can't go to bed because I'm not tired. So there. I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional and it's not really aspiring any ideas. Someday. . . I'll . . . be dead. On to the story. Wait.I'm not listening to Dashboard Confessional anymore. . .the song changed. Now it's All-American Rejects. So there. Oh yes. . . I sort of have nothing to do with the ownership of Zelda. . .I also don't have anything to do with the word, "Intelligence".  
  
One day Angisora turned on her television and popped in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. She stood there poking at her eye for quite a while, until someone walked in and reminded her not to do that anymore as they pulled her finger out of her eye socket.  
  
"Angisora, the "on" button is not your eye, remember? We talked about that yesterday. . .and the day before. . .and. . . " They walk out.  
  
She turned on the game and opened up her file. There stood Link.  
Yes. Link. (I have issues) So she made Link walk away from the  
Evil Temple of Doooom and randomly picked walls to run into.  
  
"nehehehehehhe, nyarhyarhyarhyar" She said, drooling at the television screen.  
  
Finally after about ten minutes, She stops. . . .and the starts again.  
  
"What the heck are you doing?!?"  
  
".Who are Juu!?!?"  
  
"It's me, Link"  
  
"Link is talking to Angisora?"  
  
"Obviously"  
  
So then.she starts making him run into the wall again, and watches him bounce back and make his little "oof" noise.  
  
"Hey! Stop! I don't like that! Plus, aren't you supposed to be kind of amazed that I'm talking to you?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Even though you are very tired and I'm just a figment of your imagination, It's still freaky and means your kind of schizophrenic"  
  
"shpitzoplantif.."  
  
".You're an idiot"  
  
"HUHUHUH I know."  
  
"Riiight. . .well, what are we going to do today. . .I'm actually amazed that you got me into adult form. You have been working on this game for 9 years now. Proving even more that you are just a moron."  
  
":D Let's go to the tree full of monkeys that throw coconuts at you!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
". . .There IS no tree with monkeys that throw coconuts at you . . .That was in my 3rd game The Legend of Zelda: My Awakening. Not in this game."  
  
"Let's go to the tree full of monkeys that throw coconuts at you!!!"  
  
"I SAID there is no tree! That's in. . ."  
  
"Let's go to the tree full of monkeys that throw coconuts at you!!"  
  
". . .was your brain surgically removed with a spork?"  
  
"Let's go to the tree. . ."  
  
*interrupting* "THERE IS NO DAMN TREE!!"  
  
"Well gosh.duh."  
  
"Oh.my.god."  
  
Angisora makes him start to move.  
  
"Wha.he..hey! Where are you taking me you brainless insult to retarded rocks!?"(where did I come up with that one????)  
  
"Uhhh..uhmmmm...uhhh..."  
  
"*Sighs* Just..nevermind. Just forget it. So what's your name anyways? I might as well be nice enough to call such a stupid moron by its name."  
  
*Scratches her head* "I like guessing games! Ask me another one!!"  
  
"What the. . .!? I just asked you your name. Can you even tell me THAT?!?"  
  
"I like cheese."  
  
"Really. I guess I better talk about something you can relate to . . . since you are a retarded piece of dirt. Ok so . . .what about cheese do you like?" "uuuhhh...uhhhm...uuuugghhh..AAARGH."  
  
*Sighs* " You know what? Don't even think.you might hurt yourself, even though whoever had to raise YOU is probably hurting more that you EVER will. Ooh, the sympathy I feel for them."  
  
"I can blow bubbles out of my nose!!"  
  
"That's just. . .great. . ."  
  
"Wanna see?!?!"  
  
"Not in particular"  
  
"Okay!!!" *Does*  
  
"What is wrong with you!?!?!!! He.HEY! WATCH OUT!" *runs into a tree*  
  
"GGGGAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA!"  
  
"Watch it! What do you think you're doing, anyways? Why are we in the middle of the field?"  
  
"It's the monkey tree!"  
  
"Oh god. . .not that again. . ."  
  
*Angisora mindlessly stares at the tree* "GGGAAAhhhhh."  
  
"Okay. . .aaaare we. . .going to move now? What the heck are you staring at, anyways?" *Looks behind him* "There's.nothing there."  
  
"GGAAHHH" *points*  
  
"What. . . ? This?? *Walks up to a bush and points to it*  
  
*nods* "uuhuuuuuuuuh" *drools*  
  
"Ok. . .question. . .WHY!?!?!?"  
  
". . .I name it snookie"  
  
"You're naming a. . .bush? I should have figured. Typical of an idiot. Well, you done staring moronically at a stupid bush?"  
  
"aaahhahahahahh!" *points to it*  
  
"What now??" *looks at the bush*  
  
"It moooooved! Snookie moved!!"  
  
"NO IT DIDN"T! IT'S A BUSH!"  
  
"Why aren't you moving, Link?" *pokes the bush*  
  
"THAT"S A BUSH! I'm Link! Oooover here!"  
  
". . .really? whhhoooooahhh"  
  
"She actually listened to me."  
  
"My name? Angisora."  
  
"What the. . .I didn't ask you your name."  
  
"Angisora"  
  
"No. . .I already know your name now."  
  
"My name? Angisora."  
  
"NO! I know your name!"  
  
"My name? Angisora"  
  
"SHUTUP!"  
  
"My name? Angisora."  
  
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?"  
  
2 B continued. . . .  
  
Ok guys, that's all for now. Sorry if you didn't like it. I'm a moron and I'm tired. So this is what pops out. Anyways, I hope you thought it was funny.  
  
~Angisora 


	2. The man with Link's hat

Alriiiighty, here I am. I had to write My Sephiroth story a bit (which is not humor; I write all kinds of stuff.) I want to say thank you to all of my reviews! You guys write some good stories, too! Anyways.It's early morn again, I'm hoping I can still be funny. Let's see what happens, K?  
  
Link sat on a rock by the Lake of Hylia and threw pebbles in the water. He was waiting for Angisora to quit banging her head against the T.V. screen.  
  
"Sooo. . .I would have imagined you would gave gotten a headache, but then I remembered YOU DON'T HAVE A BRAIN."  
  
Link glared at the squished up face of Angisora against the screen. Drool dribbled down and plopped onto him.  
  
Link = Ô__o  
  
"No.NO! What have I done to deserve this!?"  
  
"Remember that one tiiime, you were throwing rockies into the waaaater?"  
  
". . .I was JUST NOW doing that. Idiot."  
  
"AHWAHWAHWAH"  
  
"Just. . .shutup."  
  
Then Angisora's faithful dog 'Stupid' came running in.  
  
"What the..what the heck is that?" Link asked staring at Stupid. Stupid just happened to have 1 leg and 2 heads.  
  
"Stuuuuupiiiid!"  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Garf garf." Stupid barked.  
  
Link thinks. .oO(I think that maybe should have been HER name)  
  
"Well.get it out of here! He's. . ." But before Link could finish Stupid came jumping into the T.V.  
  
"What the!?!" * sigh* "should I even ask how that happened?"  
  
Stupid jumped on Link and started bashing one of its heads against Link's leg.  
  
"What the heck are you doing!?"  
  
"RAR ARE ARE ARE ARE!"  
  
". . .That must mean 'I'm an Idiot' In dog language."  
  
"OHOHO that wasn't Stupid talking, that was meeee!" Angisora corrected him.  
  
"You know . . .I should have known that. . ."  
  
Then all of a sudden Link turns his head to the screen, and one of Angisora's legs is hanging out ( inside the T.V.)  
  
"Oh no, OOOOH NO YOU DON'T!" So Link tries to shove her back out, but she topples inside the land of Hyrule anyways.  
  
"This isn't fair!! WHY!?!? Let's just hope she doesn't realize she can do anything she wants since she's the game player. . ."  
  
"I caaaaaaannnnn?!?!"  
  
". . .no. . ."  
  
"Whooo!" Angisora decides to grow 30 feet tall.  
  
"God. . .this sucks. . ."  
  
So Angisora gets on her hands and knees and starts rapidly crawling after Link. Link runs for dear life.  
  
It's gunna EAT ME!" he yells in a little pouty voice.  
  
"Arhar! I don't eat Links!" *stops*  
  
"You don't?" *Stopping*  
  
"NU UH."  
  
"Then what do you do to them?"  
  
"EAT THEM!" *she starts to crawl after him again*  
  
". . ." *runs away*  
  
He gets to a tree and starts to circle it, still running. . . aaaaand she still chases him.  
  
Link = ¬_¬  
  
Link stops and runs away from the tree. Angisora however, continues to crawl around the tree. Stupid appears and follows her close behind.  
  
Link = e_e  
  
"Hey! Quit! I'm over here!"  
  
Angisora stops and stares at him . . . Then continues to crawl around the tree.  
  
"You're kidding me . . ."  
  
Stupid stops running and hops over to Link. He then falls over dead.  
  
"What the . . ." Link crouches over to him. Angisora glances over.  
  
"Stuuupid!" She crawls over to Stupid. "Nooo Stupid!" She starts to bawl.  
  
"Oh god! Don't cry!"  
  
"Waaaahahahha!"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Whahahhaha!"  
  
"He's uhh...not dead!"  
  
"No?"  
  
"No! He's playing a game! The sleep game."  
  
Angisora starts to laugh and Link plugs his ears.  
  
"Me play toooooo!" Angisora starts to fall over.  
  
"AH!" Link using his super effective roll of doom and dodges the falling Angisora, who resembles a cow when pushed from the side. "Will you just do me a favor?!?"  
  
"HEEHEEHEE! Huh?"  
  
"Shrink back to normal size. Just.please."  
  
"No!"  
  
Link thinks for a moment.  
  
"Say 'I wanna shrink back to normal size', okay?"  
  
"Okay!" *does and does*  
  
*Link feels accomplished* . . . *and smart,* . . . * . . *.then remembers that she is just an ox of a moron, and frowns* . . . BUT at least she is back to normal size! *Link smiles again* *Link looks toward the computer screen* "Hey! Quit with the excessive amout of stars already!"  
  
Narrator/writer: Oh . . . sorry . . .  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
. . .*  
  
"Oh that's just funny . . .reeeaaalll funny."  
  
Narrator/writer: *smiles cheesily :D* Sorry I had to do it.  
  
"Well use something else for an action!"  
  
N/W: alright. &$%#^@so the narrator/writer uses something else for an action&$%^@  
  
&$%#^@Link sighs&$%#^@ "Let's just get back to the story."  
  
N/W: kay.  
  
___  
  
Angisora starts to gnaw on her toe.  
  
"Will you quit that?!" The mail-man guy from LoZ:MM comes up.  
  
"telegram for Mr. uhhh..The last name is sploched out. Is there a First name Link here?  
  
"Yeah . . .hey wait aren't you supposed to be in the second 64 game?"  
  
" . . ." The mail-man steals Link's hat and runs far, far away.  
  
"Hey! Oh god just forget it." Link picks up the telegram he drops and reads it.  
  
Deliver to: Link Splotched Out  
  
You're test results came in. Stop. You DO have a learning disability. Stop  
HAHA. Stop. No you idiot! Don't type "stop" when I say it! . .stop  
  
"Noooooooooooooo(gasp)oooooooooo(gasp)oooooooooo!!!!"  
  
______  
  
Will Angisora quit chewing her toe? Will Stupid quit juggling? . . . wait . . . Does Link really have a learning disability? (and why the hell for, you ask? He has so far proven he is smarter than a broken tree made of . . . dumb.{Angisora}) Is the guy that typed the telegram really an idiot? Will Link ever see his hat again? Will the guy that made off with his hat ever return? If so, will he want to give it back? If so, would he steal it back afterwards? If he was streaking across the field at an acceleration of 3.2 while singing the theme to Happy Days, would he be able to count the licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Will I ever stop asking these really pointless questions? NO!  
  
-Angisora Enjoy =) 


End file.
